1 Corinthians 13

1 Corinthians 13: 4-7
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

I used to think that I was able to fulfill all of the above criteria. Not anymore. Lately, I’ve started to envy. My patience wore thin, I kept looking ahead instead of trusting God. 6 mths apart, I couldn’t wait, didn’t think that I had the strength to go through. My hope faded day by day.

It finally happened. The thing that has been going on for months finally gave way. Its gone. I had my first cut. Never knew it could hurt so much.

3 years ago I never dared to be in love. I bricked in emotions, resisted sweet temptings. Over time, my defenses fell, emotions spilled and I started falling in love.

Over time, its sweet bliss washed out and now I’ve fallen again. This time out of love.

Now left all alone in a ditch, in which I’ve fallen so deep. Emotions seeping down through the cracked walls, I’ve forgotten just how to brick them up.

Is this the repercussion of not having enough faith? I’ve tried so much, but I’m just so exhausted right now. In the course of 1074 days, I’ve stretched, went across my own set personal boundaries. Am I suffering the consequence for defying myself? =(

Love is never easy. No matter what, you’re always falling. And falling hurts.

Left with a void, my first wound, dear Father Lord, fill me up please.